marrus ([info]marrus) wrote,
@ 2009-07-02 21:44:00
Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend  Next Entry
Entry tags:heaven and earth, paintings

Still banging away at this damned painting...
...everything I work on SUCKS, until that magical moment when it almost doesn't. I don't hate this enough to stop working on it - I can see where it COULD go, but oh, it's hard, hard...

That's the difference, I think, between being an artist, or a writer, or a runner, or a where-ever-your-dreams-take-you-er. DOING IT when you ABSOLUTELY would rather be doing ANYTHING else. The hardest part of the job is showing up. But if I just force myself to sit down at my easel, pick up my brush, scrutinize my work, focus on one little thing that I could make suck less if only I do this to it, and keep going, then eventually, I've finished another painting, and I don't need to draw it over and over again.

Nothing happens if I don't take that first step - I must remind myself of that religiously. What keeps me almost-pure is that I don't call myself an artist if I haven't created anything in six months. The physical therapist sez I should be more gentle on myself. So does Jay. I'm really bad at that.

BTW, I'm not asking for critiques of these. Believe me, I know what's wrong, and where things need to go. I'm sharing the process, not asking to be directed.



Again, if you enjoy these, please toss something in the tip jar. Or, bounce to my site and pin a bit of me to your very own wall!





(41 comments) - (Post a new comment)


[info]merchimerch
2009-07-03 03:32 am UTC (link)
ugh, "DOING it when you ABSOLUTELY would rather be doing ANYTHING else," is exactly what I need to hear right now and keep hearing for the next year until I have a manuscript in hand.

Creating is a practice, not moments of heaven-sent inspiration -- thanks for the reminder.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]marrus
2009-07-03 03:35 am UTC (link)
Oh, I feel you. It can START with that heaven-sent inspiration, sure, but it doesn't happen without that earthy-armpit perspiration, huh?

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

[info]merchimerch
2009-07-03 03:53 am UTC (link)
Yes that and moaning and gnashing of teeth -- don't forget that part.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

[info]marrus
2009-07-03 03:54 am UTC (link)
Oh, no, not forgetting. Or the temper tantrums, nail-biting, and compulsory, procrastinating house-cleaning;)

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

[info]merchimerch
2009-07-03 04:26 am UTC (link)
Oh gods yes, the house cleaning. My dishes are never more done than when I'm on deadline for something.

Inbox cleaning too. Amazing how the emails that I passed up dealing with months ago all of a sudden become FASCINATING when there is something that needs to be written.

I'm seriously considering getting a non-internet enabled machine to write on just so that I can type without internet temptation. Last time I was in Uzbekistan I was SO productive -- part of it was because I was squatting in the middle of my research -- but the other part was that I had to go out of my way to connect to the internet.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)
I hear ya
[info]celticbloodnigh
2009-07-03 02:22 pm UTC (link)
I have a typewriter to do my manuscripts.

Don't put me in front of a computer if you want something done.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

[info]bard_wench
2009-07-04 12:44 am UTC (link)
You do that too! Thank the gods I'm not the only one!!!

(Reply to this) (Parent)

[info]coffeeurchin
2009-07-03 03:50 am UTC (link)
There are things wrong with this? -tilts head- If you say so. I'd buy it from you now, unfinished or not. I just... love it.


So want a job. So I can buy your work.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]marrus
2009-07-03 03:55 am UTC (link)
Thank you. Yeah, there are LOTS of things wrong with it. You'll see if you decide to travel along with me;)

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

[info]coffeeurchin
2009-07-03 03:56 am UTC (link)
Absolutely I'll travel along with! And maybe poke Conan in the side and actually ask for something. That'll shock him.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

[info]marrus
2009-07-03 04:00 am UTC (link)
LOL. Good girl. Conan needs some shocking:)

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

[info]coffeeurchin
2009-07-03 04:03 am UTC (link)
I asked. He laughed. I don't think he thinks I'm serious...

He bought you something by the way. He needs your address to send it to you.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

[info]marrus
2009-07-03 04:06 am UTC (link)
Did he? Why don't y'all drive over next week & deliver it?

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

[info]coffeeurchin
2009-07-03 04:07 am UTC (link)
He laughed again. But I think that would be fun. I've never been to New Orleans... Let me go poke him again. Maybe at a wibbly lower lip.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

[info]coffeeurchin
2009-07-03 04:09 am UTC (link)
erm add a wibbly lower lip even.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

[info]jeep_squire
2009-07-03 04:16 am UTC (link)
Thanks for sharing the process, it's cool to see it.

Also I'm slightly horrified that it took me a couple moments to realize you meant an actual no sh*t wall with doors and windows not something like a facebook wall.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]marrus
2009-07-03 04:19 am UTC (link)
Oh, god...step away from teh intratubz!

(Reply to this) (Parent)

[info]perspicuity
2009-07-03 04:22 am UTC (link)
someone on the internet is wrong!

where ARE the unicorns?

charlie the unicorn ;)

#

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]marrus
2009-07-03 04:25 am UTC (link)
They're having their kidneys ripped out in Candy mountain:)

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

[info]perspicuity
2009-07-03 04:28 am UTC (link)
i hope they have their wings left alone then :>

good thing unicorns have 3 kidneys...

#

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

[info]marrus
2009-07-03 01:29 pm UTC (link)
You know this from making unicorn-kidney-pie?

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

[info]perspicuity
2009-07-03 03:52 pm UTC (link)
well, when you take 2 out, they still seem to live :>

#

(Reply to this) (Parent)

[info]nisaa
2009-07-03 05:34 am UTC (link)
I've been musing on your entry as I'm trying to set up a new test website for my photography. At first I read what you said and thought "But wait, taking photographs is fun!" Then I remembered, sometimes taking photos means getting up at the asscrack of dawn in the freezing cold and not always being able to make the camera do what your eye sees.

It's also about processing the photos afterwards and finding out that the shots you thought were really great, well, some of them ARE and some of them have lens flare or some other flaw and you can't go back and take the photo again the same way ever because the light is gone, the light is different.

And it's about cursing left and right as you frame the photos and bang your fingernail with a hammer or have to take out the photo ONE MORE TIME from the frame because there's another fleck of dust on the glass.

I also love doing acupuncture. It's the best job in the whole entire world for me. But getting up in front of people and giving a 10 minute speech about what I do? HATE that. Doing my bookkeeping? Poke my eye out with a spork. I don't do it for months and then I sit down and remember that if I hadn't gone to acupuncture school, I'd still be doing bookkeeping.

And on days like last Sunday the day of LGBT Pride, I worked all day and wished I could have gone to the parade. Those are the kinds of choices we make when we're self-employed and do what we love even if there's something else we'd rather be doing at the moment. Maybe I DO get what you're saying.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]marrus
2009-07-03 01:33 pm UTC (link)
I don't believe there's ever an exact accordance between joy or pain or anything else we fabulous meat-puppets experience between one another.

But until we can manifest our dreams by mere thought, we'll all have an inkling of this flavor of frustration.

Won't go into any detail here, but you and your tribe have been on my mind muchly.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

[info]ravena_kade
2009-07-03 08:47 am UTC (link)
thanks for sharing the journey =) it helps... especially after a 14 hour brutal day at the pay for rent and health care job and then I force myself to sit and paint for 2 hours... when I would so rather be relaxing, or just passed out.

I look forward to seeing more =)

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]marrus
2009-07-03 01:26 pm UTC (link)
When I did comix a million moons ago, I'd be at my drawing board 18 hours a day, inking robots & hubcaps & the like. So stimulating.

THEN I'd go & force myself to paint. Unmitigated hell, it was. I found that just sometimes bringing my sketchbook with me to doodle & focus on ideas that I promised myself I'd revisit later helped with that brand of pain.

I didn't paint as much as I would like, but at least I had an ongoing record of things I WOULD work on when time opened up a bit...

(Reply to this) (Parent)

[info]keithcsmith
2009-07-03 10:35 am UTC (link)
I think you are quite right about just doing it EVEN when you would rather be doing something else. It can be struggle sometime to get the ideas out of your head and onto paper/canvas/etc but it is necessary.

Keith's theory of art:
(based on; Newton's First Law of Motion:)
A body at rest stays at rest, and a body in motion stays in motion, unless it is acted on by an external force.

The "external" force that starts the artist in motion is inspiration. Inspiration needs to overcome inertia of the artist and get the artist moving forward. (Not always an easy task)

The "external" forces that act as friction, slowing and/or halting the artist are self doubt, financial insecurity and sometimes just plain laziness.

That is my theory at least.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]marrus
2009-07-03 01:26 pm UTC (link)
Art as a form of physics...works for me:)

(Reply to this) (Parent)

[info]u2girl1966
2009-07-03 12:55 pm UTC (link)
*Kim puts $10 into the purty tip jar.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]marrus
2009-07-03 01:27 pm UTC (link)
Thank you, Kim! I'll save it for a celebratory cocktail (or two, NOLA drinks are CHEAP) when this thing is finally done...!

(Reply to this) (Parent)

[info]master_sea3
2009-07-03 01:02 pm UTC (link)
Wonderful as always, and the most important of all (well to me at least) It speaks to me. it's is still telling me things so I don't have yet the full of what its telling me but it is saying something, and to me that's the most important part of art. thank you

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]marrus
2009-07-03 01:28 pm UTC (link)
Thank YOU. It'll get clearer as we go, and I'll share a cool story of how the piece solidified for me over drinks with a voodoo priestess...

(Reply to this) (Parent)

[info]celticbloodnigh
2009-07-03 02:24 pm UTC (link)
I like where it's going.

(Reply to this)


[info]kuzu_no_ha
2009-07-03 03:50 pm UTC (link)
This is wonderful in that it helps me not feel alone as an artist. There is so much time spent bent over your particular medium that you start to feel isolated and wonder if all these horrible things only happen to you. No, they really don't as evidence by the many comments here. I have three things I need to glaze but it is so hot downstairs and do I really want to start the kiln? argh whine booo
Then there is singing. The piano is staring at me, I can see it while I type. All I need to do is walk 10 feet and plunk my ass down, but instead I'm telling you I understand completely. I won't stop here, I will read the rest of LJ and then I may sing. :-)
Or maybe lunch first. hah
BTW I wanted to show you how well your picture fits in to the nursery. I am going to get another one as soon as I can. I want to get her Soul Owning. :-)
perfect for little girls.

http://pics.livejournal.com/kuzu_no_ha/pic/0008kxtf/

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]marrus
2009-07-05 07:10 pm UTC (link)
Thank you for showing me - I love how well your art on the wall goes with the painting!

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

[info]kuzu_no_ha
2009-07-06 12:54 pm UTC (link)
I am so thankful [info]nisaa posted your url to her journal last year. No chubby pastel animals for me!

(Reply to this) (Parent)

[info]slatergirl
2009-07-03 06:53 pm UTC (link)
Thanks so much for saying this.

I experience the exact same thing, but just assume whatever I'm working on sucks and stop, which is sort of why i've never managed to complete anything cretive.

Knowing that you go through the same thing and make such awesome stuff give just enough hope that I'll just plough through next time.

thanks - maybe i'll make it to "autonomous grown-up" yet. or at least get this stuff out of my head.

:)

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]marrus
2009-07-05 07:11 pm UTC (link)
If it was easy, there'd be a lot of crappy paintings cluttering up my house;)

(Reply to this) (Parent)

[info]tiari
2009-07-04 02:57 am UTC (link)
what a beautiful and inspired work.

(Reply to this)


[info]nancaurelia
2009-07-06 08:01 pm UTC (link)
ooooooh!

(Reply to this)


[info]rowangolightly
2009-07-06 09:21 pm UTC (link)
I LOVE the concept for this painting! Looking forward to seeing where it goes.

And believe me, you are not alone on the "oh gods, this sucks" part of the creative process.

(Reply to this)

(41 comments) - (Post a new comment)

Create an Account
Forgot your login or password?
Login w/ OpenID
English • Español • Deutsch • Русский…